In this blog post, I’d like to share a story from my high school days to explore what the right choice is between being considerate of others and upholding justice—and how that experience changed me.
How did this excessive consideration begin?
It happened during my freshman year of high school. Since the high school system in my area wasn’t standardized, it was natural for a certain level of competitiveness to develop among my friends, even though the semester had only just begun. I had consistently maintained a top ranking up until the June mock exam, but there was one friend who always ranked right behind me. This friend, who was from Pohang, was extremely competitive. As soon as the March mock exam ended, he even demanded that I tell him my score—even though we had just met. He would ask for my scores every time a mock exam or school test ended, which flustered me on several occasions, and because of that, I began to feel uncomfortable around him.
Then, starting precisely with the July mock exam, his scores began to rise noticeably. He was even scoring near perfect marks. He continued to maintain excellent scores on every mock exam after that, and seeing this, I resolved to work even harder. However, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t catch up to his scores, and I gradually began to blame myself, wondering, “Why can’t I do that?”
Eventually, I confided my worries to the class president, who was in the same class as my friend. The class president was a friend I’d known since elementary and middle school, and we were close enough to share our worries with each other. After listening to my entire story, he hesitated for a long time before revealing a shocking truth: every time they took a mock exam since June, the classmates had been cheating as a group.
It might sound like something out of a novel, but he explained that, as it happened, students who excelled in each subject just happened to be seated around that friend. So, during every exam, they would check answers with each other and cheat, which ultimately allowed my friend to achieve scores close to perfect. As a result, the class’s average scores were consistently higher than those of other classes. My friend confided in me that, as class president, he knew this wasn’t right, but he couldn’t easily speak up because of the atmosphere in the class.
It might sound a bit childish, but it was a huge shock to me at the time. After sorting through my complicated emotions to some extent, I had two options. The first was to tell the homeroom teacher what I knew, and the second was to keep it to myself, remember it as just an anecdote, and move on.
After much deliberation, I chose the latter. Deep down, I wanted to speak up and set things right. However, the one thing that weighed on my mind was the reputation that friend would face at school and how their school life would be affected if I revealed the truth. Ultimately, the matter was resolved to some extent within the class when the class president confided in the homeroom teacher, and no further instances of cheating occurred afterward.
In hindsight, my decision not to speak up directly may have been the practical choice that avoided major problems. However, at the time, I felt terribly inadequate. Logically speaking, that friend had clearly acted immorally, and there was nothing wrong with me trying to set things right. But as I mentioned earlier, I was more concerned about his reputation and situation, so I ultimately chose not to speak up.
In other words, even though I was the one harmed by my friend’s misconduct, I prioritized his situation over my own and showed him more consideration than was necessary. To put it another way, I condoned his wrongdoing and, while ignoring the harm I had suffered, prioritized his interests above all else.
Is it right to turn a blind eye to someone else’s wrongdoing?
The first question to consider is whether it is indeed right to turn a blind eye to someone else’s wrongdoing. This is a topic that many philosophers have debated for a long time, and even today, it remains difficult to arrive at a single definitive answer.
I do not believe that every wrongdoing must be punished. Serious crimes, such as murder or kidnapping, or repeated offenses, should certainly be held accountable. However, I do not believe it is necessary to apply the same standard to every other wrongdoing. This is because, depending on one’s generosity, one can choose to forgive or grant a second chance.
We can easily observe this behavior in our daily lives. The closest example is our parents. While raising their children, parents encounter countless mistakes, but they do not immediately impose harsh punishment every time a child makes a mistake. Most of the time, for the first one or two instances, they let it slide with a gentle reminder like, “Don’t do that again,” and only when the same mistake is repeated do they discipline the child more strictly.
I believe this process holds significant meaning. It gives the person who made the mistake an opportunity to reflect on and reconsider their actions. This is because, at times, self-reflection can bring about greater change than harsh punishment.
Should I prioritize the interests of others over my own?
The second issue to consider is whether we should prioritize the interests of others over our own. I, too, have pondered this question for a long time. And even now, I find it difficult to say that there is only one correct answer.
First, what would happen if we prioritized only our own interests? In the short term, we might gain more benefits and achieve our desired goals more quickly. However, in modern society, where interpersonal relationships are so important, such an attitude is highly likely to eventually alienate us from those around us. If you become isolated from others, it could ultimately have a negative impact on your entire life.
Conversely, what would happen if you always prioritized the interests of others over your own? You might make a good impression on many people, and you’re likely to gain trust and respect in your relationships. However, if you continually give up the rights and interests you should be protecting, it’s difficult to view that as a healthy life either. Modern society is one where countless relationships intertwine, but a life in which you are always the only one bearing the burden within those relationships is also undesirable.
Therefore, I believe the key lies in maintaining a balance without leaning too far in either direction. A balanced perspective—one that considers both your own position and that of others to make judgments appropriate to the situation—is more important than anything else.
In the end, for whom was that excessive consideration a choice?
However, there is another issue to consider here. What should one do if turning a blind eye to another person’s wrongdoing is directly linked to one’s own interests? An incident from my high school days—one I find embarrassing—is a perfect example of this.
In modern society, individual freedom is of utmost importance. Everyone has the right to enjoy their freedom, but that freedom must not infringe upon the rights of others. Therefore, we should not unconditionally forgive every wrongdoing, nor should we unconditionally punish every wrongdoing. However, I believe that if someone has actually suffered harm as a result of that wrongdoing, it should not be condoned.
This conclusion ties in with my thoughts on the two questions discussed earlier. In response to the first question, I stated that while not all wrongdoing must be punished unconditionally, neither should it be unconditionally condoned. In response to the second question, I said that we must consider both the interests of others and our own.
Therefore, I believe that turning a blind eye to the other person’s wrongdoing in a situation where I was the one suffering harm was ultimately not a balanced choice. That is why, even now, I feel ashamed when I recall the choice I made back in high school.
Nevertheless, the reason I love myself is that I have gradually changed through my past experiences. I have constantly reflected on past events to understand what went wrong, and I have strived to turn my weaknesses into strengths.
Even after entering college, there were times over the course of several months when I nearly repeated similar mistakes, and there were also moments when I showed slight improvement compared to before. Of course, I still have many shortcomings. However, I will not stop here. I will continue to strive not to repeat past mistakes, and by seriously reflecting on my various habits and attitudes, I will keep working steadily to grow into a better person.
