In this blog post, we will discuss whether meeting someone through a marriage agency can lead to true love, or if it will end up being a relationship bound by conditions.
Introduction
There is a Korean proverb that says, “Even shoes have pairs.” This means that even the most insignificant person has a partner. According to this logic, we should be able to easily find our soulmate without investing a lot of time and effort. However, this is often not the case in reality. Therefore, most singles seek the help of their acquaintances to arrange blind dates in order to find a partner.
However, these encounters often end as short-term relationships, and few develop into long-term relationships that lead to marriage. Not only through blind dates, but also through the countless people we meet throughout our lives, finding one’s true partner is as difficult as “finding a needle in a haystack.” Many people may be comforting themselves with the image of their own “shoes” in their minds, feeling lonely.
Why are marriage agencies on the rise?
Recently, the number of marriage agencies in South Korea has increased rapidly, and various TV stations are competing to produce marriage-related programs. Advertisements for marriage agencies frequently appear in various media outlets such as TV and newspapers, and programs such as ‘Matchmaker’ and ‘We Got Married’ are very popular on one TV station. What is the reason behind the rise of marriage information agencies and the popularity of these “matchmaking” programs?
This phenomenon is not simply because it has become more difficult to find a partner than in the past, but is one of the many reasons for the rapid changes in our society. Korea experienced rapid growth in the 1970s and 1980s, which led to urbanization and the nuclear family, and naturally transitioned into an individualistic society. In the past, most neighbors were related by blood or marriage, and they helped each other with work and shared meals, forming a close-knit community. However, today, even people living next door may not even greet each other, remaining mere “neighbors.” This social change has led to interactions with others being limited to work or formal relationships, making it increasingly difficult for modern people to find romantic partners.
In this situation, people create invisible barriers in their relationships with the opposite sex, leading them to pursue idealistic values rather than realistic relationships. Therefore, the media reflects people’s desire for these idealistic values by producing “matchmaking” programs, and marriage information agencies are also gaining popularity by fulfilling this desire.
In this social climate, joining a marriage information agency may be a natural consequence. From the perspective of members, it is efficient because they can save time and money in finding a partner on their own. Similarly, marriage information agencies have the advantage of requiring minimal initial investment, as they simply connect members and collect membership fees. However, as the number of members increases, people increasingly prioritize practical considerations over genuine love, leading to a reality where rational love takes precedence over emotional connection, which leaves me with a bittersweet taste. While conditions and efficiency may be important in a capitalist society, perhaps we should reconsider whether they are appropriate criteria for meeting people.
Artificial encounters and free love
I prefer free love over artificial encounters through marriage information agencies. Some might argue that free love is no different from artificial encounters because it also requires meeting specific conditions set by oneself before starting a relationship. At first glance, this seems plausible, but the weight and scope of the “conditions” in question are different, and the very nature of the encounter is different. Upon closer inspection, the two are entirely different.
Artificial meetings through marriage agencies refer to short-term encounters with members of the opposite sex where a series of conditions, such as appearance, education, and financial status, are all met. This type of meeting prioritizes external values over internal qualities like character or sincerity. In contrast, free love allows meetings to begin even if these artificial conditions are not met.
While some may already be aware of such conditions when they meet, others may come to understand them as the relationship progresses. Of course, it cannot be denied that conditions do influence meetings to some extent, but in free love, these conditions do not play as significant a role as they do in artificial meetings. Additionally, meetings that begin in free love are often rooted in emotional feelings, leading to connections that would not be possible in artificial meetings.
For example, in a marriage agency, if you do not meet the ideal conditions, you will not even be introduced to someone, but in free love, even if those conditions are not met, a relationship can still begin. Therefore, even if you become lovers through an artificial encounter, the relationship will be fundamentally different from one that began through free love.
There are many reasons why I prefer free love, but the biggest reason is that it allows me to deeply know and understand the other person. Unlike artificial encounters, free love involves a relatively long period of time together, allowing memories to accumulate and enabling one to observe the other’s reactions and responses. Through this process, one can hear the other’s sincere stories and understand their inner values, such as their values and philosophy, thereby confirming their true nature.
Furthermore, free love is not like artificial encounters, where one continues the relationship based solely on specific conditions. Therefore, even if the situation is not good when you first meet, there is a high possibility that the relationship will continue. In other words, free love is based on the person rather than conditions, so it is easier to maintain a long-term and trusting relationship.
Advantages and disadvantages of marriage agencies
Just because I prefer free love does not mean that artificial encounters are always bad. As I mentioned earlier, from an economic perspective, there is nothing more efficient than artificial encounters. The advantage of marriage information agencies is that they allow you to easily meet people who meet your desired criteria and easily part ways if you don’t like them. If you were to find a partner on your own, it would take time and money to determine whether the other person meets your standards. However, marriage information agencies pre-screen members based on their preferences and verify them on your behalf, making the process quite efficient from the member’s perspective.
However, there are several issues with artificial encounters through marriage information agencies. Before discussing these issues, let’s take a look at how marriage information agencies connect people. Although there are slight differences between agencies, generally, when a member joins a marriage information agency, they are first given a rating. The rating is based on the member’s appearance, age, education, wealth, and even their parents’ education, occupation, and wealth. The weighting of these factors varies between men and women. For example, men are often judged more on their education and wealth, while women are judged more on their appearance. Once the ratings are determined, the agency arranges a certain number of matches per month based on the member’s rating, and the member continues to meet potential partners until they find someone they like.
I agree that it is beneficial to meet many people before marriage, as it allows one to find someone who truly matches their preferences. However, there is a problem with the limited pool of potential partners provided by marriage information agencies, as they are restricted to individuals who meet certain criteria.
Additionally, there are significant issues with the ratings assigned by marriage information agencies. Assigning ratings to individuals is a practice that is difficult to justify.
Even in a society of endless competition, we are not living in the Middle Ages, and 2024 is not a class-based society. It is difficult to understand a social system that assigns grades to people and encourages them to find love with those of similar grades.
An even bigger problem is whether the grades assigned by marriage information agencies can be trusted. What if a member deceives the agency, or the agency assigns the wrong grade? If a member marries without knowing this and later discovers that their rating was incorrect, what would happen? I often hear stories about couples who met through marriage information agencies breaking up due to such conditions. I once read in the newspaper about a couple who met through a marriage information agency and divorced shortly after marriage because the husband’s false conditions were revealed.
In such cases, if they discover after marriage that their own rating was incorrect or that the other person’s conditions were incorrect, it will be difficult for them to continue the relationship. Since they started their relationship based on those conditions, any issues with those conditions will inevitably lead to problems in their love. Additionally, such artificial meetings undermine the independence and judgment of members. Just as with studying or working, meeting people also requires personal effort.
No matter how well a teacher teaches students, if the students do not study on their own, the knowledge will not last long. The same applies to meeting people. If one relies solely on the meetings provided by a marriage information service, not only will the willingness to meet people on one’s own diminish, but the ability to discern good people will also gradually decline. Over-reliance on marriage information services may lead to losing the ability to find the person one truly seeks.
The Importance of Active Efforts in Dating
As mentioned earlier, whether through an arranged meeting through a marriage agency or through free dating, it is important to meet many people. By meeting various people, you develop the ability to discern who you truly want. You must experience meeting both good and bad people, as well as diverse experiences, to understand what your true ideal partner is like and how to handle them when you meet them.
However, we must not forget that relationships are not a game of chance but a process of connecting hearts. While meetings through marriage information agencies may be artificial, love cannot be artificial. Therefore, such meetings may actually lead to higher divorce rates.
Conclusion
If artificial meetings through marriage information agencies are a social norm of this era, it can be understood. However, love is something created by two people, not something others should interfere with. If you start a relationship based solely on conditions, you must recognize the possibility of breaking up because of those conditions. We should reflect on whether we are more focused on building the qualifications that match the conditions we demand from others rather than seeking true love.
