In this blog post, we will examine whether marriage is still considered a choice made out of love, or whether it is a traditional institution that has been rejected in the changing times.
Marriage is hard work. American actor Chris Rock said,
“Marriage is really hard work. How hard? Nelson Mandela got divorced. That Nelson Mandela. He was imprisoned in South Africa for 27 years. He endured torture and abuse every day for 27 years and survived forced labor in the South African desert where temperatures exceeded 40 degrees Celsius. He endured those 27 years of hell and was released from prison, but after six months with his wife, he divorced her.
If this story sounds like a joke, here’s a more serious one. Arthur Schopenhauer said, “Marriage is a man giving up half his rights and taking on twice as many obligations.” Abraham Lincoln called marriage “hell,” and Thomas Edison compared his wife to a broken phonograph. It’s the same everywhere in the world. Just look at married men on TV variety shows—they criticize their wives without hesitation, and married women also criticize their husbands without reservation.
In fact, marriage rates are declining worldwide. According to the European Union Statistics Office, the marriage rate in the EU has decreased by 30% over the past decade, and the US National Center for Health Statistics reported that the marriage rate in the US has decreased by 17% over the past decade. In South Korea, the number of marriages per 1,000 people last year was 6.0, the lowest on record since statistics were first compiled in 1970. Such dramatic statistics make even boring numbers seem real.
However, if marriage is really that difficult, shouldn’t people have refrained from getting married in the first place? If so, why are people increasingly reluctant to get married? Rather than asking “why don’t people get married,” it seems more important to first examine “why people got married.”
Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman who have lived completely different lives, agreeing to live together. While same-sex marriage also exists, this article will focus solely on heterosexual marriage. Contracts come with conditions. Both parties must adapt their lifestyles to each other, and someone must work to support the household while another handles domestic duties. As Schopenhauer noted, marriage increases one’s obligations.
Since they have lived in different environments until now, friction is inevitable. On the other hand, as money and time are spent on the family, individual rights are reduced. So why does the institution of marriage still exist in most cultures? Love is the most ideal answer we can think of. A man and a woman who love each other get married and become a family in order to spend their lives together. However, the history of romantic marriage is not as long as we think. Even arranged marriages have a much longer history than romantic marriages. The situation is not much different today. The number of marriage agencies around the world is quite significant. Looking back at history, marriage emerged to resolve paternal uncertainty. The greatest duty of humans is to reproduce, and marriage is a socially accepted institution for this purpose. Unlike women, men cannot be certain that a child is their own. By getting married and starting a family, the likelihood that a child is one’s own increases. Additionally, humans have a long gestation period and take a long time to reach adulthood, so a stable environment is necessary, and families can fulfill this obligation. However, these benefits of marriage do not hold as much weight in modern society. This is because other methods of reducing paternity uncertainty have emerged. Various contraceptive methods prevent unwanted pregnancies and allow women to control the timing of their pregnancies, and DNA testing can confirm paternity. Furthermore, social safety nets are more robust than in the past, so marriage is no longer the only stable environment. Above all, having children to continue the family line is no longer considered a necessity. However, there is a problem here. It is not a truly free choice but an “imposed choice” dictated by external circumstances. In South Korea, it costs approximately 275 million won to raise a child through college. This is an enormous amount of money, and we find ourselves at a crossroads between having children and abandoning that choice.
There are many things one could do with that money instead of having children. Marriage also requires significant financial resources beyond child-rearing expenses. When considering wedding costs and housing expenses, the issue becomes even more severe. The term “3-po generation,” referring to those who have given up on romance, marriage, and childbirth, has emerged due to the high costs associated with marriage and childbirth. This has led to the rise of numerous single individuals.
While past singles were mostly people who enjoyed living alone, today’s “involuntary singles” are those who cannot marry due to circumstances beyond their control. Of course, there is no guarantee that they can lead a fulfilling single life. This is because single life differs from the typical family structure they have grown accustomed to. Without family, there is no one to help when they are sick or need assistance, and there is no one to share their concerns with.
Single life may be fine when you are young, but it can become a problem as you age. Additionally, the social perception of single people is not favorable. They are often seen as inadequate individuals who have failed to marry, or criticized for not respecting their parents.
“A prominent professor has stated that as more people give up on marriage, this phenomenon is no longer a matter of ”giving up“ but has become ”a culture.” Seeing others around them give up on marriage one by one, unmarried men and women follow the trend without seriously considering singleness. They will eventually face the problems of not being married, and by then, it may be too late to reverse their decision. There are few people who have experienced such problems before, making it difficult to seek advice.
The institution of marriage has been maintained out of habit. It is good to reconsider whether marriage is truly necessary. Stagnant water eventually rots. However, we must not make the mistake of draining all the water out of fear that it might rot.
