In this blog post, I will candidly share the feelings and realizations that came to me as a medical school applicant who faced death firsthand through a cadaver dissection.

First Steps

The sound of our footsteps echoed through the hallway of the practice room. The faces of my friends were half tense and half excited. I was also at a loss as to what to do in a situation I had never experienced before, and my mind was as blank as a sheet of paper. Unlike our usual selves, who would have been playing around while putting on our lab coats and goggles, today we were quiet. No one said a word, just preparing for the practical training. As soon as we entered the lab, the strong, pungent smell of formaldehyde that greeted us every day signaled that the practical training was about to begin. Just a few months ago, I never imagined I would be here. As I entered the lab, I felt that the moment I had been looking forward to so much was approaching.

Reason

In the United States, high school students who aspire to attend an Ivy League university or study pre-med or pre-law must make the most of their summer vacation, which is the longest vacation of their four years of high school. For example, they must participate in internships, take college courses, engage in large-scale volunteer work, or participate in research. During my sophomore summer vacation, I decided to take an anatomy course at a university. A pig dissection class I took in my first year of biology led me to medicine and further clarified my dream of becoming a surgeon. So, I applied to Brown University to take a summer anatomy class for high school students. The program, which allowed high school students to experience dissecting a human body, was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Through this class, I was also able to experience living independently from my parents for the first time. I was very worried about whether I would be able to live and study safely in the East Coast, where I didn’t know a single person. Looking back on that time, there were many things I did for the first time in that month. It was my first time flying alone, my first time spending a month away from my family, my first time dissecting a corpse, my first time living at a university, and my first time doing laundry. My purpose for applying to Brown University began with my interest in academics, but in the end, it became a valuable opportunity to experience “standing on my own two feet” and “independence,” which are more important than academics.
I still remember it. After the plane landed in Rhode Island, I looked out the window. My head was filled with worries, from finding my suitcase to taking a taxi to Brown University. Everything felt overwhelming. After arriving at the university campus by taxi, an even bigger challenge awaited me. In the summer heat, I had to find my dorm room by myself and carry my two suitcases up the stairs to my room on the second floor. There were many students who arrived at the campus alone, but there were also many who came with their parents. There was no air conditioning in my room, so a fan was essential to survive the heat of that summer. I still vividly remember running around alone to find a fan after leaving school. The dormitory assistant ordered us to gather within 30 minutes, so I ran around nonstop as if I were on a treasure hunt. That day, I experienced the bitter taste of independence. However, when I saw the corpse lying in front of me for the first time for dissection, my hesitation about coming to Brown University and my fear of independence that I had felt a few months earlier disappeared in an instant.

Realization

With a scalpel and tweezers in my hands, I examined the left arm of a cat that we had been dissecting for a week. Then I set out to find the common carotid arteries. However, the professor called our group to another practice room connected to the practice room, so we left the cat and moved with the other members of our group. As I slowly entered the practice room where the corpse was kept, I saw a corpse being taken out of a large plastic bag. And then, for the first time in my life, I saw a dead body. I had imagined that a dead body would be like a wax statue, but the body in front of me looked as if it were alive. When I finally reached out to touch the arm of the corpse, it felt as if my heart had stopped beating. It was cold, moist, and heavy. The first “patient” I would ever treat had already passed away.
With each practice, the stench of formaldehyde became more intense and permeated my clothes. However, my aversion to dissecting corpses gradually disappeared. On the fifth day of dissection, I opened the abdominal cavity. While observing it, another student asked the professor what the stone-like object was. It was an aortic aneurysm. I stared intently at the aneurysm with curiosity. Was this what caused death? I couldn’t believe that something as small as my fist could have such a huge impact on people. This aneurysm had the power to take a precious life. It could cause great suffering to others due to the death of one person. There were countless things this aneurysm could do, but as I stared at it, there was little I could do. At that moment, I felt helpless for the first time in my life, and I felt miserable as someone who wanted to become a doctor. Although the corpse lying in front of me had died of other causes before the aneurysm was discovered, I wondered if I would have been able to find and successfully treat the aneurysm if he had come to me as a patient. I couldn’t answer that question with confidence. However, at that moment, I felt that the corpse in front of me had given the last gift he could give as a human being to students who dreamed of becoming doctors. His last gift was his own body, and he gave that gift to me and no one else. Thanks to this gift, I realized that I had to learn about the human body through dissection as if it were my own. Furthermore, I felt a sense of duty to study hard so that I could use this knowledge to save and treat my future patients.

Resolution

I will never forget that summer vacation. Through my experience of dissecting a corpse, I was able to confirm my curiosity about medicine and, more importantly, my desire to treat patients. As someone who was about to become an adult, I was also able to learn about independence in advance. And I learned that in order to be a true member of society, I must be able to take care of myself before I can take care of others.
When exposed, we can see how vulnerable the heart, lungs, stomach, and other organs of the human body are. However, when all organs work together as one, they give humans unlimited potential. At Brown University, I took my first steps toward medicine. And after briefly studying anatomy, I chose the difficult path of becoming a medical professional. I believe that there is nothing happier than being able to witness and experience the mysteries of the human body firsthand. Furthermore, I want to cherish the happiness and pride I feel when treating patients and seeing their health improve little by little for the rest of my life. I have chosen a path where love and sadness, hope and despair, life and death coexist, and I have begun to walk that path. Above all, I want to follow this path to the end because it is a path full of the beauty of life.