In this blog post, I reflect on the essence of life and the attitude toward living in the present through the question: ‘To avoid regret in the face of death, what should I do now?’
Life has a beginning, so an end is inevitable. Whether it comes early or late, death approaches us all. Consider the syllogism learned in Keplerian logic: “Julius Caesar is a human. Humans die. Therefore, Caesar also dies.”
Death is fair in that it strikes all lives equally, whether successful or failed, yet it is undeniably unjust in the immense blow it deals to all who remain. However, the existence of death is no reason to refrain from realizing life’s potential. Life flows by, but the life given to us is only one. My stance is that life must be lived to the fullest.
The American drama ‘One Tree Hill’ contains this line: “Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music?” In other words, knowing something will end doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it in the first place. We can still enjoy the good parts of the beginning and the journey before reaching the end. ‘The song ends.’ That is, good things end, and ultimately, we will die. This is an inescapable reality of life. However, the meaning of ‘there’s no reason not to enjoy the music’ is that life is not meaningless. Just because life ends doesn’t mean we have to act like we’re already dead. The aforementioned quote resonates with me as meaning that even if everything in life ends, we should enjoy life with endless challenges.
Through 『The Death of Ivan Ilyich』, three interpretations of Ivan Ilyich’s life can be presented: the perspective of those viewing the deceased, Ivan Ilyich’s actual life, and life as something Ivan Ilyich reflects upon.
In life, one will inevitably experience the loss of loved ones or family members. The author had to face the deaths of both his paternal grandfather and paternal grandmother within a single month during his first year of university. Upon hearing the news of Ivan Ilyich’s death, colleagues and relatives thought only of their own convenience and interests. While the expression may be excessive, the fact that some of it was true struck a chord within me. When I first received the news of my paternal grandfather’s passing during midterm exam period, sadness flooded one part of my heart, yet another part thought, ‘Why now of all times?’ As presented in this novel, we can see that human nature is fundamentally self-serving. People are busy living their own lives. Similarly, the obligation to observe memorial days feels more like an inconvenience than a genuine expression of mourning for the deceased. This doesn’t mean it’s wrong to keep the dead in our hearts and remember them. It’s just that, as a student, the requirement to perform memorial rites is a bothersome chore. Even if they were precious to us, the dead are dead. Since the dead cannot care for the living and life continues, we must take responsibility for our own lives.
Not long ago, the April 16 Sewol Ferry disaster memorial service was held. News and television broadcasts everywhere aired Sewol Ferry-related press conferences. Mr. Kim Dong-soo, a Sewol ferry accident survivor who appeared on MBC News, pleaded, “How can I forget what happened then? When I see students, I think of those students. When I see windows, I think of the children who were at the windows. How can I forget…” Mr. Kim Dong-soo is the truck driver who rescued about 20 students during the Sewol ferry disaster and is called the ‘Hero in Blue Pants’. If one directly experiences someone’s death or the death of someone deeply cherished, the shock and trauma make forgetting that death incredibly difficult. But the past is the past, and living our present lives and starting anew is the right choice.
Ivan Illich was sensitive to trends, obsessed with success, and focused on maintaining socially recognized dignity. Life is about contemplating its meaning and why we live, but how we live is equally important. The English word for ‘present’ means ‘gift,’ signifying that this very moment is a gift given to us. Just as a gift is meant to be joyfully received, the author’s stance is that we should not be bound or obsessed with the past, nor overly worry about an uncertain future, but rather enjoy the present moment to the fullest. There are three types of people navigating life. Some live ensnared by the past, others live each moment, and still others live worrying about the future. The first type cannot protect or develop their life, while the third type inevitably misses the small meanings life offers. Savoring the small opportunities life grants and tasting the sense of accomplishment is, I believe, the meaning of life. Just as “the only way to survive when the ice is breaking is to walk faster,” I believe that overcoming the disappointments life throws at us with hope is what gives meaning. However, I consider it crucial to live a life one truly desires and finds meaningful, rather than one society expects and recognizes, as Ivan Illich did.
Ivan Illich suffered even more painfully from regret about his life as he faced death. Yet, as someone whose motto is “Everything happens for a reason,” I make it a principle to live without regret or remorse. Of course, one can make “mistakes” in life and become disheartened by them. But mistakes are the result of one’s efforts; they shape my identity and make me who I am today. Therefore, just as Napoleon famously said, “Impossible is not a French word,” the word “mistake” does not exist in my dictionary. When the day approaches to end one’s life, living a meaningful and valuable life without regret—one so fulfilling that you would want to relive it all again—is the way, the duty, and the obligation we must fulfill in this one life given to us.
